Stand Up Journey: SNL Side Note

Stand up can wait, last week I went to SNL

As some of you know, I host a college  tv show and that show needs cue cards. A few years ago, the fates aligned and I met Wally, the Cue Card Guy for SNL. He’s been the man ever since, he’s given us cards and even come on the show as a guest. Two weeks ago, I went into the city to see his son perform stand up. While I was there, and out of the blue, Wally asked if I’d like part time job helping out with the SNL cue cards.

A rough approximation of my brain when it processed what he said.

I tried to play it cool as I said “yea, sure, I have some days off.” I was the ice man. For about three seconds before having a smile so big I looked like that guy from the weird pudding face ad. I thanked Wally and after the show (which was great by the way, his son killed it) I went home and immediately started practicing my lettering. In fact, I don’t think I did anything else but write out letters over and over again until I literally ran out of ink.

When has that ever affected anyone badly?

I had been practicing all week, so when my first day came around I felt ready. I headed into the studio and went over my assignments with the other cue card guys. My cards weren’t going to be great (or even usable at first) but at least they wouldn’t be an embarrassment.  I sat down at my station, immediately failing to notice the marker I was holding was leaking. I then twirled the marker in my fingers, oblivious to the fact that the ink was going all Jackson Pollock on my hand. And then I itched my face. In less then ten minutes on the job I had already covered my face in ink. Luckily, I saw a mirror…5 hours later.

Essentially, this is how I greeted the cast of SNL.

But the real problem wasn’t the fact that I appeared to have used my nose as a paintbrush, it was trying to keep my cool while casually working at SNL and not freaking right the hell out because I’m inside SNL. The whole time I was just waiting for one of the techs to turn into a giant sandal and reveal that none of this was real life.

I have never related so strongly to a youtube video before.

And you know how people always make fun of the tabloids for posting things like “Stars are just like us! Here’s Brad Pitt grocery shopping!” Well I must say it’s unreal to see these tv stars just chilling around. The cast members were so low key when I accidentally made eye contact they greeted me right back. Which is all the more amazing considering I had an ink face, was nervously pacing the studio in circles, and popping the free bags of chips like they were the first source of food I’d seen in years.

When you add in the pacing and the chips, I was closer to a hobo than a child, really.

But you guys, seriously, you guys, this was the greatest day ever. I’m posting this a week delayed and may even remove this entry because I don’t want to ruin anything by saying something I shouldn’t, but it was seriously the coolest thing I have ever done. Which is saying something, because I’ve literally stood atop a mountain and yelled into the great wilderness as the fiery sun set behind me (Boy Scouts, shit’s crazy yo).

YEA, MERIT BADGES! YEA!

Being a part of SNL, however small, is just amazing. I can’t believe I got this chance and I’m so thankful that Wally is the coolest freaking dude on the planet. I’ll be posting more stand up stuff soon, but I thought this was way too interesting not to share. By the way jackson Pollock was a painter who whipped paint at a canvas, if you didn’t get that reference earlier.

“This painting represents the anguish of modern society. Or maybe I’m seeing if I can nail a fly with some paint. Either one.”

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