Today’s Topic: No Date on Valentine’s day
So, you’re alone on the big day, huh? Well have no fear, just follow these simple plans and you’ll still have a great valentines!
Better Plan: Ask couples what they did on Valentine’s Day, and when they start to tell you about some boring dinner, interrupt them with, “Yeah, that’s great, but you know what’s better? Saving a life.” Then you and your rescue dog just stare at them as “In the Arms of an Angel” plays in the distance.
This holiday is probably going to cause some pent up feelings to be released. You should get drunk so you can blame all those texts to your ex on the alcohol, and not the six years of regret.
Better Plan: Buy a full pitcher of your favorite drink, pour out a single glass, drop your phone into it, then light it on fire.
Valentine’s Day is practically “Eat Chocolate Day.” So treat yourself and and buy as much chocolate as you can
Better Plan: Take all that chocolate and melt it down into a boiling hot liquid. Go out and pour it directly onto the faces of those who have wronged you. This is year, the V doesn’t stand for Valentine’s, it stands for Vengeance.
You know the drill: get home, put on some comfy pants, pop some popcorn, then watch Netflix for six hours. Binge watch to your heart’s delight.
Better plan: Look at all the recommended videos that Netflix has carefully selected for you. Notice how reliable it is, how it’s always been there for you late at night when no one else was Realize that Netflix is the most stable relationship you’ve ever had. Date Netflix.
So what do you guys think? Would you want to see a desk bit like this produced? I’ve been playing around and I think the mix of vectors and chopped photos lends itself well to late night.
You can also see how this bit evolved by clicking over to the site Pop and Scotch for my article on winter tips. And if you want to see more of my writing on that site, click here (This article itself has since been picked up by that site as well). You should read all my stuff so I look super popular. Just saying…
Be sure to follow this blog for more fun stuff!