Local Construction Worker Crunches Numbers, Finds Catcalling Ineffective

nrm_1407438064-workerBY BEN KOERTGE

COLUMBIA, SC- Matt Kaminski, 31, a nineteen-year veteran of Fort Mill Construction, came to the startling realization that his lengthy utilization of catcalling lacks any semblance of efficiency.

He stated, “ I figure I’m workin’ n’ catcallin’ about ten hours a day, and I see about fifteen women walk by an hour, which equals to about 150 women catcalled per day. And not a one ever seemed to care.”

When the math was laid bare upon his dining/Beirut table, it totaled out to around 52,650 women catcalled with 0 positive interactions (not counting repeat instances of catcalling) and 52,650 negative interactions, with the majority mainly being women completely ignoring him, hurling truthful-yet-disparaging insults at him, or crying/running away. This was a devastating find to Mr. Kaminski.

“I guess I never really thought about results,” he admitted.

He has vowed to find a more efficient tactic, and has since purchased a copy of The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, for inspiration.

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